Going Down to Cougar Town

I’ll admit that before I spoke to Lexxi, I also believed many of the misconceptions about the cougar/cub lifestyle. I’ve always found it really fascinating to see a considerably younger man with a considerably older woman. I don’t know if it evokes insecurity or because I am just genuinely baffled and secretly hoping that one day I’d be just as cool to score such a hot little potato, too. I believe the reason I still get a little shocked by it, is because it's not as widely spoken about as say, the older man/younger woman phenomena.


It's become quite the norm for younger women to seek out the companionship of much older men – just look at the plethora of websites out there that encourage this kind of relationship. Sites such as Sugardaddy.com or Seeking Arrangement will quickly make you realize that there are thousands of people who are specifically interested in this kind of financial agreement. A lot of these sites have men advertising for “a hot secretary to do all of my filing, but to suck a little something-something on the side, too.” Okay, so, he wants your young, hot body, and thinks that making you “work” for your money would make you feel like less of a prostitute. Right.


A lot of the fascination regarding the older man revolves around the idea that with an older man comes financial freedom and absolute emotional stability, but trust me, that is not always the case. I have dated older men in the past, and as great as it was to be spoiled and taken care of financially, that really can only take you so far before you realize that this kind of arrangement just doesn’t always meet up to your sexual and emotional expectations. For the most part, I found older men to be sexually unsatisfying. I’m not saying that that is the case with everyone, I am sure there are plenty out there who could prove me wrong, but I am speaking from my own personal experiences here.


For the first couple of weeks, I found these rendezvous to be quite thrilling, but once the novelty of the new sexy, almost forbidden relationship wore off, I found my silver fox wanting to be in bed by 9pm – lights off, leaving me with the grim prospect of waking up to no morning nookie, either. As much as some of these much older men want to hold onto their youth, and work hard to try and rock your world, it unfortunately just doesn’t always happen, and then the disappointment of unmet expectations sets in. With age, comes wisdom they say. I believe that with age, comes and age gap, and that means different libidos – and trust me, Viagra only goes so far.


Even though they try and convince themselves that they are okay with this kind of superficial relationship, these younger women might eventually find that there isn’t the emotional connection that they subconsciously crave. As humans, we can only maintain a shallow relationship for so long before we have a moment of weakness and breakdown only to realize that our older, wealthier man, is not interested in seeing that ugly side of us…ever. We are a trophy and thus we need to shine brightly, my dear. Always.


The cougar/cub relationship is driven by something entirely the opposite. From what I can gather, younger men aren’t necessarily looking for financial stability in their older female counterparts, but more so a sense of maturity that they might not be getting from a woman in the throes of her rip-roaring, unpredictable twenties. I can speak proudly from experience and tell you that I was a goddamn wreck all throughout my 20s. It was a rollercoaster of emotional highs and lows and a time in which I would love someone one day, and hate his guts the next. And trust me, that was normal. It was only until I reached my thirties that I started discovering my womanhood and my newfound sense of self-assurance.


I’m not saying every woman in her twenties will turn out to be a Cruella, but for the most part females go through a lot of hormonal changes during that time and it is tough to keep romantic relationships afloat. Women also tend to equate sex with love more so than men do and are often left feeling down post-coital, thinking thoughts such as “he owes me something because I gave him that part of me” and “why hasn’t he texted me?” The kind of drama that men in their 20s and 30s don’t want to have to deal with.


These are the golden years of your life, so why the hell spend it with an emotional wreck? Surely, you can’t blame these cubs. A lot of the young guys I have spoken to told me that there is more to life than having to deal with the crazy ups and downs and all the other expectations that women in their twenties are looking for: marriage and children being two of them. These two potentials are very much in the forefront of a twenty-something-year-old woman’s mind – the pressure that is placed on young women to get married and procreate plays a major part in this, unfortunately. Once again, I am not saying that every woman is a ballistic wrecking ball, but I think a lot of men have come across this kind of behavior and are pushed into the arms of an older, more emotionally secure woman who is just looking to experience life. Someone who has perhaps already been through marriage and kids and who now just wants a little bit of fun.


I hope you’ll listen to this episode of Must Love Fetish, and allow Lexxi to explain to you what she loves so much about her cub, and why he loves her, too.


You may find Lexxi on Niteflirt @ phonesexlexxi

Or on Twitter @phonesexlexxi