What is Sex Coaching?

To many, sex coaching might sound like a pretty foreign concept - and understandably so - we live in a society where just talking about sex in itself is still a taboo topic of conversation. No matter how sex positive we like to believe we are, we still have a very long way to go, and therefore, as a sex coach, I believe that it is vital for me to be as open and honest as possible about what I do for a living, because we have to start speaking openly about sexuality in order to live our own truth. Whenever I mention to people that I am a sex coach, I either get very interested or very puzzled looks. The most simple way to explain what sex coaching is, is to compare it to life coaching. I am essentially doing the same thing as a life coach, except I am mostly focusing on your sexual and intimate life. However, sex coaching isn't only limited to the sexual/intimate relationship realm. Many sex coaches also offer life coaching and you'll often find that those two models overlap. 

Coaching versus Therapy

  • Therapy focuses on the past experiences of a client.
  • Coaching is a more future-oriented, goal-directed, action-based, and outwardly defined concept where the coach becomes the guide who creates (together with the client) an action plan that moves the client towards positive outcomes instead of putting the main focus on past experiences. 
  • It's important to remember that in coaching, the client is never referred to as "the patient." Coaching does not follow the hierarchical, pathological concept of the doctor/patient relationship often used in psychotherapy.
  • In coaching, the client and the coach work together as a team and it is the client who ultimately determines what he/she/they would like for that outcome to be.   
  • Sex coaching is usually (but not always) short-term. Some clients might only need one session of coaching, whereas others might need several - it all really depends on the individual's sexual concerns and needs. 
  • Many therapists and coaches enjoy working together to resolve the client's sexual concern(s) as a team. With certain sexual concerns, I might find it best to refer a client to a reputable licensed psychotherapist who can work together with me on finding the best possible and most appropriate plan of action for the client. 

 

Who is your ideal client?

I do not discriminate with regard to race, ability, religion, sexual orientation, or gender expression. My coaching practice is called Must Love Fetish simply because I am incredibly passionate about giving a voice to the kink/fetish community. I have, however, been trained as a sex coach to work with people of all diverse backgrounds, regardless of whether you find yourself to be kinky or have a fetish or not. I have worked with people from all walks of life - people in finance, the arts, doctors, lawyers, the fortunate, the not so fortunate, the married, the divorced, the widowed, the somewhat vanilla, all the way up to the extra kinky. 

 

How do sessions work? Do I have to come in to see you in an office-setting?

For now, all of my sessions are conducted over phone only. I find that allowing my client a level of anonymity and the ability to be in his/her/their own private and comfortable surroundings allows for more openness and vulnerability to occur. Think of this as a place where you can come and live your honest and true sexual self. If we are not able to be open with one another, finding solutions to sexual concerns might present some challenges that will delay the success of our action plan. 

 

So, Sara... um... yeah... I heard that you're also a phone sex operator and I think that's kinda hot.

Does this mean you'll have phone sex with me?

I'm so glad that you've taken the time to either read my bio or listen to my podcast. First off, I am very proud of my "side-hustle" because my "side-hustle" was the thing that first ignited my passion for human sexuality and funded my studies. However, the answer to your question is a no. If you've contacted me inquiring about my services as a sex coach, there will be no sexy time to be had between us. I uphold myself to a very high standard of morals and ethics, and if I cross that line, I have failed not only you as a client, but also everything that I stand for as a coach. Basically what I'm trying to say is that if I'm in coaching mode I am in coaching mode and if I'm in phone sex mode, then I am in phone sex mode. Let's always be mindful of keeping those two things separate. If you've accidentally stumbled upon this page in the hopes of finding something naughty, but instead you've come across a lot of sentences containing the word "coach" and you're thinking to yourself, "hot damn! Is this some new kind of role play Sara is offering?" then please email me so I can let you know where you may be able to find my phone sex services on the web instead. 

What are some of the concerns that you work with as a coach?

Male Sexual Concerns

  • Not being able to express yourself fully through your fetish or kink 
  • Incorporating BDSM into life and relationships
  • Low or no sexual desire (LD)
  • Early ejaculation (EE)
  • Erectile dysfunction (ED)
  • Delayed ejaculation (DE)
  • Sexual inhibition (SI)
  • Body dysphoria (BD)
  • Social/dating skills deficit (SDSD)
  • Desire for enhanced pleasure (EP)
  • Sexual trauma (ST) (together with a licensed clinical psychotherapist) 

Female Sexual Concerns

  • Not being able to express yourself fully through your fetish or kink 
  • Incorporating BDSM into life and relationships
  • Low or no sexual desire (LD)
  • Preorgasmic primary (having difficulty experiencing orgasm)
  • Preorgasmic secondary (having difficulty experiencing orgasm with a partner)
  • Dyspareunia (painful sex)
  • Vaginismus
  • Sexual inhibition (SI)
  • Body dysphoria (BD)
  • Social/dating skills deficit (SDSD)
  • Desire for enhanced pleasure (EP)
  • Sexual trauma (ST) (together with a licensed clinical psychotherapist) 

Couples Sexual Concerns

  • Fetish/Kink
  • BDSM
  • Little or no sex in the relationship
  • Aversion to touch or misplaced touch communication
  • Conflicts about desire/uneven desire (UD)
  • Conflicting values about monogamy/affairs
  • Performance skills deficit (PSD)
  • Body image issues (BI)
  • Communication style conflicts (CS)
  • Negotiation skills deficit (NSD)

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual Concerns

  • All male, female, and couples concerns mentioned above
  • Questioning sexual orientation and identity
  • Overcoming issues related to homophobia, social stigma, or personal shame
  • Meeting a GLB partner
  • Coping with pressures from a partner to engage in sex with a third or more partners of the same gender

Transgender Concerns

  • Impact of gender identity conflict/confusion on family and lovers
  • Concerns about dating - in the old or new gender identity
  • Performance issues: experiencing pleasure post-op TS
  • Body changes concerns - including worrying about passing as the other gender
  • Emotional turmoil surrounding the new sexual orientation identity
  • Mental confusion - concerns about how to move into a new gender lifestyle
  • Social isolation - not having the social skills to reveal a new gender identity or experiencing shame around it