FEELING ASHAMED OF YOUR FETISH? WHY YOU NEED TO STOP, AND HOW.

I really commend my clients for coming forward and being brave enough to share with me what really turns them on.

I have noticed a pattern in most of our sessions, though. If it is someone that I have never worked with before, it usually starts out with them having to take a lot of time to really think through how they should be verbalizing what it is that they are feeling - almost as if there is a textbook by which we live our fetish lives - as if there is a right or wrong way to talk about it. Let me tell you, there is no right or wrong way. 

Most of the time new clients don't know how to put the fetish into words, even if they have experienced this sexual attraction for years, because they've never been expected to put into words how they feel about it. But, sometimes, it becomes too much of a burden to bear and then these fetishists find that they have to start talking about it, hence why phone sex sites are so popular. 

So, why is it important to talk about our kinks and fetishes? Because it is important to be able to put into words what it is that we are experiencing and feeling on a sexual level, so that we can find a suitable plan of action in order to fully accept, embrace, and then educate ourselves and our partners on our fetishes. Once we do this, only then can we begin to heal from the shame in order to experience the most pleasurable sexual life that we all deserve. 

As a society, we are so conditioned to believe that anything sexual that does not fall within the "norm," (the norm probably being 5 minutes of heterosexual missionary 3 times a week,) is somehow sick and twisted and should not be discussed. This is absolute rubbish and it needs to stop.   

As long as a fetish is safe, legal, and consensual - and does not cause physical or emotional injury or harm to another being (aliens included - for those of you who like that sort of thing,) then I say "Why the hell not?"

Here are some interesting facts to lift your spirits and make you feel like less of an outsider:

FIVE OF THE MOST COMMON FETISHES

  • FEET
  • BUTTS AND/BOOBS
  • LINGERIE
  • EXHIBITIONISM/VOYEURISM
  • BDSM 
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THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO IS KINKY OR HAS A FETISH? WELL, SORRY TO BE THE ONE TO BREAK IT TO YOU, BUT JUST LETTING YOU KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT THAT SPECIAL AFTER ALL. THERE ARE SOME REALLY COOL AND VERY FAMOUS PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING THROUGH EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH - SOME WITH PRETTY DARN "STRANGE" FETISHES, WHO WERE ALL BRAVE ENOUGH TO COME OUT AND ADMIT IT. AND IF THEY CAN DO IT, SO CAN YOU...

  • Did you know that Kristen Stewart (hottie galore) has a fetish called Maschalagnia? This means that Kristen likes to have her armpits licked. Yup. Pretty much up there with not being what society would consider "normal," or very (god, I hate this word... lady-like,) but hey, the girl is not hurting anyone, so why not allow her the pleasure of a tongue on her pitties?
  • Christina Aguilera is heavily into latex, and I quote:

"I'm really into fetish gear, and latex is really making a strong statement for me."

OTHER CELEBRITIES WITH FETISHES AND KINKS

  • Will & Jada Pinkett-Smith are both exhibitionists and like to get frisky in public sometimes.
  • Russell Brand is into something called "air-sex" - woah! Mind blown! He likes to thrust into the invisible while fully clothed and actually gets off this way. Lots of laundry to be done afterwards!
  • Carmen Electra likes to be spanked with a coat-hanger. Ouch. 
  • Dita Von Teese has the hots for feet - meh, so does about half the population and foot fetishism is the most common form of sexual fetish related to the body.
  • Robert Pattinson has a fetish called Olfactophilia (which now makes sense since he dated Kristen Stewart and most likely enjoyed the smell of her armpits, which she obviously loved! Except, she also wanted him to lick it, which I am sure he had not issue with, or maybe he did and that's why they broke up... who the hell knows.) Olfactophilia is the attraction to scents - mainly from sexual areas of the body.
  • John Mayer likes buttholes.
  • Shia Lebeouf likes to have his hair pulled - no surprise here... I'm definitely down, Shia! 

There are many other people out there who have fetishes that you've never even heard of, so there really is no reason to feel like you are the only person on earth who may get sexually aroused by something that is not considered the norm. We all have something, I can assure you. 

The issue often comes in when someone is in a relationship with a partner who does not share that interest or is not aware of the interest. Personal stigma often prevents people from sharing what it is that they are sexually attracted to which leads to things getting complicated and then to a disastrous end result of either 1. the person keeping it a secret and forever being only half-satisfied with his/her sex life OR 2. ending what could otherwise have been a great relationship.  

WHAT TO DO

Speak to a sex coach. A sex coach is like a life coach, except a sex coach works on your sexual life strategies and goals with you. I mean, if you don't figure it out for yourself and you choose not to have a plan to share it with a partner, you'll always be left wondering - what if? "What if my partner shared the same interest? What if my partner would or could have understood? What if? What if? What if?" And, if you find you have shared it in an appropriate and respectful way and your partner is still not accepting of it, then maybe you need to take a long, hard look at the relationship you are in, and assess whether or not your relationship is worth sacrificing your fetish for. 

 

You may make an appointment to talk to me on NiteFlirt (SweetlySensual_Sara) by emailing me here on the site, or by joining Niteflirt. Additionally, you may follow me on Twitter @SaraSweetly.

 

Would you (or someone you know) like to be featured on the show? Well, shoot us an email and we'll talk logistics. Be sure to keep up with our weekly podcast and show notes by subscribing to the Must Love Fetish podcast on iTunes, Google Play, as well as Stitcher.  Please note: Strictly no under 18's allowed.

Lets remember to always keep our online community protected and to stay safe, sane, and consensual.